I’m not sure if this is the right title, but this is how I feel.

I know I’ve talked about friends that Steve and I have had in the past.

You really find out who your real friends are when one of the two of you have passed. Most, if not all, have been by my side. They’re offering me advice when asked. They’ve come over to help fix things I can’t. And we all know there are those that say if you need anything, to talk or help, let me know. But then there are those fair weather friends.

You spent many nights cooking out together, drinking by the fire, discussing every day issues and family things. Then all of a sudden… they are only there for you when it’s convenient for them.

I’ve talked about this one person in particular, I’ll call her the “Cork Lady.” As a refresher, she was a friend who told me less than two weeks after Steve passed that she had put a cork under his arm from our favorite vineyard to be cremated with him. She didn’t ask… she hid it… it was very personal to me and I was upset. She didn’t ask. So it went with him, without my knowledge.

Her husband, who was our car mechanic for years, couldn’t offer advice as to what needs stabilizer in the winter as far as yard gas appliances go. For years, this same guy, rode our tail and said we should get rid of our Subaru… it came up in almost every conversation.

So, I finally did it. After almost 20 years of the same Subaru with 369k miles on the engine… I took the dive! I was going for 525k because that was the record at my mechanic’s shop. But Sally Subaru was going to need a timing belt, body work by the gas tank, a new windshield, and 3 codes were showing up on the emission. She still ran great, AC worked, heated seats worked. I loved her so dearly. My heart was broken again…

So, hello 2023! I got another emotional purchase. I was hoping to put it off until April, but it seems my research yielded very few Subaru WRX CVT … so this car was calling me.

I know it’s not a buyer’s market. But it was what Steve and I had discussed since our former neighbor had one a few years ago. We were always committed to the brand. We all have our favorite cars. But, knowing how long Sally lasted me, I’m hopeful this will be my last car purchase. If, in 18 years, this will still be on the road, I’ll be 81! I might not even be driving then 🤷‍♀️

But, back to Cork Lady.

So, I posted my achievement on Facebook, she didn’t respond. Okay, not everyone checks it every day. Just last week, Cork Lady and I shared a bottle of wine and exchanged neighborly gifts like we had done for years.

So, today, I stopped over into their cul de sac to show her my new purchase… and she was very blasé about it. I don’t get it.

I’m not off my rocker, not on the deep edge and doing stupid stuff since Steve passed away. I’m so frugal, I use the water from my dehumidifier to water my plants, I hang my laundry around our bar stools so I don’t have to use the electric dryer. My thermostat is set at 62 so I heat the house with wood because oil is expensive now… I guess I just expected her to be more happy for me. I guess my loss is no longer her concern.

As I promised myself, I’m going to keep taking the high road. Because I still hear Steve telling me “let it go honey.” And I will. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that my timing was off, she had other things going on that she was preoccupied with. I sent her a text asking her if she was okay today, that she seemed not like herself. I’ll await her response. You never really know what someone else is going through that could alter their state of mind and affect their behavior towards you.

I’m willing to understand her struggles whatever they are. But her indifference to a friend, it’s not acceptable.

There may be some changes no my horizons…

I still need to be around those who don’t dwell on my situation, but are understanding and supportive and happy for me, as friends should be… through thick and thin. So I’m finding out… some of my BEST friends will make me stronger.