There was a post in the Nextdoor app about how a woman met another woman at the checkout line in a store. The one stranger, “Mary,” gave “Sue” some words of encouragement and kindness that Sue very much needed. It was a thread from a local county. Sue posted it cause she just wanted Mary to know how touched she was and how it made her feel. You see, they were both widows.
I then posted a comment about how I’m dealing with my loss of Steve. Others suggested group counseling. I took a dear friend to a group counseling session years ago, and I wasn’t impressed. It seemed like everyone was focused on only one person’s loss and the others in the group never could express their grief.
But that’s not for anyone.
I stated in the thread that a good bottle of wine is what gets me flowing and brings my true feelings to the surface. But that’s just me!
So now you all know I have possibly consumed at least 62 bottles of wine since I’ve been writing this blog.
That’s my way of coping, you may do something else… divulge in a decadent dessert, go to a special place, complete a routine as if your loved one was right by your side. I’m sure, in most cases, they are.
A lot of people offered to listen or connect with “Sue.” Again, she may want to but as for me, right now, I’m fine with the family and friends I have.
Some are those that I can open up to and they get it. Even though they haven’t had the loss of a spouse, I’m okay with telling them things, how I feel, and crying at any time during the visit. They knew Steve, so they get it. They offer support in many ways. But I try to only ask for help for things I can’t do or have no knowledge of… electric… some power tools… etc
For instance, I have a friend whose husband is my plumber.
My cousin’s husband is my electrician…
While I do pay them for their services, it saves me a ton of $ by not having a contractor come.
I use my daughter for emotional support, only because she’s in a different time zone from me and then my son, for all the other grunt work… hanging a cabinet or splitting wood.
Not only do they save me money but they save me the agony of getting multiple estimates of jobs.
Maybe that’s why they say you can never have too many friends or don’t burn bridges. Some or many of these sayings, have merit.
Another saying is… it’s true, the older you get the wiser you get. That’s because you can’t change the past but hopefully you learn from it.
I posted my info for my blog on the thread for those that are curious or would like to read it. They may feel the same way… or maybe not. And either way, that’s okay.
Grief is different for everyone. We all express it in different ways. It’s your way or my way of dealing with loss and that’s okay. Just because someone says “widowhood looks good on you,” like I’ve heard already, doesn’t mean that you were a total wreck while married. I think they just expect the worst now that my other half is gone. And that’s okay too. It all takes time. Four months after Steve passed, I left a retirement party in tears. It was the second group event since he had passed and I couldn’t linger by myself any longer. I was hiding in a safe zone because I couldn’t find myself being that sociable or happy yet. It still brings me to tears how I felt that day.
But you wonder, if I don’t go, when will they stop inviting me? What if I end up losing my friends in my grief? So… I go!
So, now you know… I rescued another bottle of wine that was trapped under the cork!
See you all next week ☮️
3 thoughts on “A Bottle”
I’ve done some widows/widowers group events in my area and found I don’t fit it… and since there is almost nothing in my area that isn’t clinical or religious, I’ve been trying, slowly, to get something going…. It’s just so lonely out there….
It is! And I don’t necessarily want to advertise my status for fear of being taken advantage of. I’m not ready for anything yet and don’t know if I will be…
I completely understand. Some jerk took advantage of my 2nd late wife while she was grieving her 1st husband…. Take it all at your pace.