Here’s what I found to be calculated:

I know I’m lonely. I know I need daily conversation about nothing. I also know that I’ve discovered some of the best times to text and network with my kids, family and friends. Why? Because I have all the time in the world now to discover this and figure it out.

My son works second shift. So he’s unwinding just around the time I can’t fall asleep between 12:30 and 3 a.m.

My daughter is on the west coast, so, I’ve mastered… or tried to master… the 3 hour time difference.

My sister in New Mexico is a two hour time difference. So I plan accordingly.

What I’ve come to realize is that after we’ve exchanged a few messages, there is no longer a response. Why?

So, do they roll their eyes and think… or do they get back to me?

It’s that they are getting on with their lives. And mine, well, mine is not so exciting or eventful.

Yet, I’m so happy someone is responding and I could and can and will go on… responding… but that eventually ends.

Just when I feel I’ve sparked a conversation with someone who might possibly be interested in what I have to say, offer, or what I’m doing… the line goes dead.

That’s when I realize they are going on with whatever it is in their life right then… right now… at that moment, and our text conversation was the only thing I had going on .

And as much as they say they are here for me… they really don’t know… but they mean well.

When push comes to shove… I am the only one here for me, all the time, at any given moment.

I always hope, with all my friends and navigating the different time zones, someone will surprise me and say, “Hey, sorry I couldn’t text last night, yada yada yada.” But they don’t.

So I’m left to feel left out and needy…

So, now that I found this out, I’ll take a deep breath and be thankful that they’re still in my life, while they are continuing to enjoy their life, which I’ve learned should be cherished.

After all, don’t we always wish the best for our family, friends and loved ones?

So I’ve found out that life is for all of us… worth living… until something changes our life… and then we have to recalculate.