I actually wanted to title this “Things I Hate,” but I don’t think that word should be in any vocabulary. What you “hate” today, as you ate it, saw it, read about it, smelled it, in another perspective, you might be okay with it.

I dislike going to sleep at night now. I don’t know why. Maybe because I still don’t sleep well. I’ll be dozing off, in a “zone” and then, all of a sudden, I’m wide awake. It’s as if I was waiting for Steve to come to bed at the end of a movie he was watching, and I realize he’s not coming to bed. He’s not, he’s gone.

I don’t like it that I have to struggle pulling up the back zipper on my dress by myself. Mind you, I don’t wear a dress that often, but when I did last week, when I went away for my first trip by myself, it became a dilemma. I managed – I squirmed and squeezed. I got it done.

The second part of that equation was my “fine” jewelry. It’s invaluable to me, after all, my birthday is in April, the diamond month, and Steve honored me with some gems. I felt funny and thought it risky to ask anyone to help me out in a bracelet or necklace because it just felt too personal. Steve would put his hands around my wrist or neck to do it for me. So, I went to my winemakers dinner without my fine jewels.

I don’t like it that when I went to said dinner, I didn’t have Steve to ask his opinion of what I should wear, what looks best – these shoes? That skirt? That dress? This purse?

I’m also feeling inadequate about my meals. I cook, using my same recipes but sometimes I’ll tweak them and there’s no one to tell me how it was – good, bad, or blah.

I actually don’t like that no one suggests that we have plans or goals for any other projects around the house. Steve and I always had a “list.” When I need something done that I can’t do, my son puts it on “the list.” But that’s his list. I have the original list, and I guess that’s all that matters.

I dislike appointments. Now that I’m home full time, I love my freedom! I dread the morning that I have to get up because a contractor is coming here at 8 am to do a service. Not that I’m upset that they are, but it’s on their time and availability, not on mine. Oh, yes, I’m available at 8 am but do I want to be? Heck no! It’s my time, I’m paying for it.

I’ll always put off making a phone call to what ever entity I have to. It’s the wait time, the outsourcing, two hours with social security, and the IRS and the list goes on. I have the time, but when it comes to this, I’ve run out of patience. And I think, I try to stretch things out, bide my time, so I’m always busy. I’ll put the call off until next week which turns into a month… or two!

But, I really dislike that it’s just me… making all the decisions, trying to figure it out, not having a sounding board because that’s what relationships are all about. I’m totally responsible. It’s not that I’m single by choice. I’m a wife whose husband just happens to have wings! And maybe that’s what I dislike the most.