At what point do you stop saying certain pronouns? Specifically, plural pronouns – like “ours” or “we.” So many times I find myself saying “We talked about this… We decided on this…. This is our plan.”
When do people find it off putting? Do they think I’m crazy? Do they think to themselves, “She does know her husband is deceased, right?”
Of course I do, but when you’re part of a couple for so long, it’s hard to stop using group or inclusive terms. Just like for some of those who are newly wedded after being single for so long, you have to make sure you’re including your other half. Well, I’m in the opposite situation… a loss of my other half rather than a gain of another half.
I asked my sister in law who has been widowed for 6 years now – Does it ever change? It was called to her attention after two years that there’s no longer a “we.” But, to break that habit is easier said than done. And until you’ve been here, it is easy for you to say.
I’ve tried to take everything with a grain of salt if I felt someone said something to me that I thought was out of line.
Now that Steve’s gone, are you going to get your hair cut?
When are you getting rid of his toothbrush?
Will you ever sleep on his side of the bed?
The truth is, I don’t have an answer to any of these questions and I might never. Things will happen when it feels right, not because someone said it should.
And I’m sure I’ll continue to say those inclusive pronouns for a long time. And I don’t want to change that just because others think I should. If it offends anyone, it just shows our love and commitment. Even if I say “I” out loud, I know in my heart and mind, it will always be “us” and “we.”
One thought on “At What Point…”
17 years and things that were ours from my first marriage are still ours. Love doesn’t end, even if remarried; historical fact is still historical fact, and still part of me.
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