If you live across the street from me, or next to me, please don’t judge me if you see me being happy.

And by that I mean…

Neighbors…If I’m cutting my lawn and happen to enjoy a song on my earbuds. My mouth might move but I really can’t carry a tune! I listen to the 60’s on pandora and sometimes it just carries me away. I’m out doing lawn work alllll the time ! Even here in Pennsylvania, it’s never ending. I don’t have a lawn service or a handy man to pay to help maintain my just over one acre. Neither do I want one. I prefer to save on the cost as long as I’m able and I enjoy it most of the time .

When Steve first passed away, it was good therapy for me. I could get all my exercise in , steps, pushing, pulling, up down back and forth. I released a lot of energy and tears. It gave me a lot of time to think while doing something that was productive but also mindless at the same time .

Neighbors…If I’m sitting on the front porch, don’t always assume that what is my yeti is water…. Most likely it’s wine as Steve and I spend sooo many nights on our front porch, enjoying the fireflies, the hotter nights with the overhead fan on, the rain as we enjoyed it cooling the night over the spring and summers, yet we were protected.

Neighbors…If you see me do a shimmy or a faux dance move…. Please don’t think I’m crazy. I’m just having a great moment in time and even though I lost my dance partner, there are times where I just want to forget about all the burdens of life, which come and go at the blink of an eye! Let me have those carefree moments where I can block out all the externalities of life that I have to go through by myself.

Neighbors… I’m not crazy… for dancing or bopping to my music. And , maybe, just maybe, you are not yet in my position in life, you might choose to change yours “frivolity “with your partner. Let loose at the most stressful times with a swirl and enjoy!

Steve always kept me surprised with the unexpected and the surprise. We watched meteor showers at 2 am and pitched a tent in our backyard before we could afford a motorhome. There was always an adventure and an unexpected surprise.

Dear neighbors… please don’t judge me, as today I was having a good day. I was free of problems and money/ budget , unexpected negatives…

So, thank you dear neighbors… for just letting me be me, as now it’s just me

How many times have I heard this in the three years that Steve has passed away? More than I kept track of!

Why haven’t you gone through his tools yet?

These were his tools, his forte, they were probably more important to him than the clothes he wore. He was a master mechanic. His hands, his sweat, his mind has touched every tool in my garage. I can see the wheels turning as he was thinking about completing a project.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t gone through them yet. Never mind, that I’m taking care of an acre of land grooming, weeding, cooking, cleaning, endless housework… and I pick my battles. Which usually depends on my moods and the weather. And I’m ok with all of this.

But don’t tell me you understand.

You’re still married. You haven’t lost your husband/spouse.

You may have lost a parent… that’s a different type of loss …

You may have lost a sibling, a best friend… different type of loss.

I’m not minimizing that loss at all… but you really don’t understand.

And yet, some think that it’s been 3 years and I should be over all this , all this stuff , that I have to deal with. Why would one think that it’s reasonable, that over 25 years of memories and accumulation of things should be purged in just three years???

Sometimes, I want to be that nasty person, and snap and just tell them to take a hike. But, the compassion in me tells me they don’t understand. They think they’re being helpful. But they’re not. I feel like my personal stuff is being violated. I’m the judge of when, how things go now. Not what they “ understand “ should be happening by now.

They don’t understand.

They won’t understand

I’ll understand… when they’re in my shoes , and, sadly, it happens to all of us.

If you live across the street from me, or next to me, please don’t judge me if you see me being happy.

And by that I mean…

Neighbors…If I’m cutting my lawn and happen to enjoy a song on my earbuds. My mouth might move but I really can’t carry a tune! I listen to the 60’s on pandora and sometimes it just carries me away. I’m out doing lawn work alllll the time ! Even here in Pennsylvania, it’s never ending. I don’t have a lawn service or a handy man to pay to help maintain my just over one acre. Neither do I want one. I prefer to save on the cost as long as I’m able and I enjoy it most of the time .

When Steve first passed away, it was good therapy for me. I could get all my exercise in , steps, pushing, pulling, up down back and forth. I released a lot of energy and tears. It gave me a lot of time to think while doing something that was productive but also mindless at the same time .

Neighbors…If I’m sitting on the front porch, don’t always assume that what is my yeti is water…. Most likely it’s wine as Steve and I spend sooo many nights on our front porch, enjoying the fireflies, the hotter nights with the overhead fan on, the rain as we enjoyed it cooling the night over the spring and summers, yet we were protected.

Neighbors…If you see me do a shimmy or a faux dance move…. Please don’t think I’m crazy. I’m just having a great moment in time and even though I lost my dance partner, there are times where I just want to forget about all the burdens of life, which come and go at the blink of an eye! Let me have those carefree moments where I can block out all the externalities of life that I have to go through by myself.

Neighbors… I’m not crazy… for dancing or bopping to my music. And , maybe, just maybe, you are not yet in my position in life, you might choose to change yours “frivolity “with your partner. Let loose at the most stressful times with a swirl and enjoy!

Steve always kept me surprised with the unexpected and the surprise. We watched meteor showers at 2 am and pitched a tent in our backyard before we could afford a motorhome. There was always an adventure and an unexpected surprise.

Dear neighbors… please don’t judge me, as today I was having a good day. I was free of problems and money/ budget , unexpected negatives…

So, thank you dear neighbors

I find it odd , that most people don’t really think . They don’t think about being in your shoes because let’s face it, they are not. Lucky them !

Sometimes, they speak and don’t realize what they are saying. They mean to be helpful and say, “ it’s ok for you to date”. As if I needed their approval or they might think less of me if in fact I did date.

Here are a few instances…

On the Nextdoor app, which I follow because it’s based on my community, a female posted that she was downsizing, her husband actually passed one day after Steve. Steve passed on 5/1/2021 and her husband passed on 5/2/2021.

The fact is, she chose to say she was a widow, nothing wrong with that, I also did say that , for a while , until I felt I no longer had that stamped on my forehead. I didn’t have the strength to carry on with life unless I said it. It’s not the same as a divorce but people need to know that. When you say , “ my husband used to do this “, and truly, they just need to be compassionate.

Back to the origin of this conversation. A male had asked this female if she was dating!!! Nothing was pertinate to her post! Unless they knew each other previously but then they should have contacted each other on that same level. She was just at a point in her life that she was ready to let go of some things.

Her response, and good for her, was, she had already remarried.

This is all based on my personal perception and not facts. It’s just how I would feel.

I have a handy man, who is very knowledgeable. He offered to introduce to me to another male the also does some odd jobs for . My handy man thought we might have a lot in common… the cars in my driveway… the grill on my patio… but these are the things that Steve and I grew together with and loved. I’m not sure that these alone would bond me to some one else. After all, Steve and I were together for 27 years.

My handy man apologized after I declined his thoughts. He meant well, but he’s not ever been in my shoes.

Bottom line..,please.. just think before you speak or engage in a conversation with someone who has lost a loved one. Whether it was a spouse, a child, a close friend, … put yourself into their deepest part of life … before you speak…

Please just think 🤔

I’m not sure if this is the correct word to use , but, tonight, I had a girls night dinner with a friend. She has always been there for me with the loss of Steve and has taken me out to eat every couple of months or so. And even though she was not there for me when Steve was going through his treatments or wasn’t one of those people who would drop off a meal, and that’s another thought….

Listen, if you know someone who is ill, and it doesn’t have to be terminal… just stop by, with a meal, and even if you don’t want to spend time there , just drop it off and make it an excuse as you have to be somewhere else! At least, they think you thought enough about them and that gives them comfort and joy!!

…she is still my friend! And even though I don’t think we jive together and have a lot in common…. It’s a work in progress. I’m sure it’s partly both of our personalities and needs.

Tonight, as is every time we get together, and get caught up, and drink some wine… we ask about what’s going on… with husband… kids … work.

She’s been going through health issues with her husband, she’s now on a heart monitor.. but when she talked about her husband, there were tears that she wiped away.

I’m so sorry for what she’s going through, but I’m glad she opened up to me so I can be there for her, which when Steve was sick, we didn’t have that opportunity. I think because of what I’ve been through, makes her feel more open to me and she can let her guard down.

I really had no one to talk to. Not even one of our friends had gone through a spouse’s cancer treatment and experience. And now, …

I might be her help..

I might be able to be there for her before she even realizes that she’s reaching out for help

Just by talking and listening, I might just be the ear that needs to listen…

Help… I’m hoping that I am!

It’s been just over three years that Steve has passed away. Yet, I still have so many times that I have to flounder on how to get things done.

My latest adventure is how to use our weed whacker as an edger along the sidewalk. I finally used it about two weeks ago to whack the hill behind our garage. It only took me about an hour to clear the weeds, but it took me about 3 hours to use two hands to put on my chapstick ! I was good by the end of the day… lip crisis averted !

Talk about the shakes!

I rely heavily on those that know me and are closest to me. But then, I think, as always, I’m not their problem. They aren’t responsible for making sure I can get things done around here. I mostly just ask for advice. And that’s because I want tips … you can do this… you can try this… you can expect this… and so on . Because, in my mind, lack of results equals failure and I’m not failing… not yet any way.

I realize, that there will always be a first time for me doing a lot of things. I thank YouTube all the time for help. I also thank everyone who helps me out… with daily firsts of any kind. And that’s probably because, Steve , is not here telling me, I can do this or I got this. I no longer have my cheerleader right behind me, even if he was silent, he was supporting me. So, I tend to not have the confidence I need.

But, I know, there will always be pockets … pockets throughout my life, they may be small, they may be big or unexpected, but… I’ll keep the knowledge of what Steve has taught me tucked into my pocket. I’ll hear him guiding me first, his voice talking to me in my head, I’ll see things he did in my memories, and then, just then… I’ll turn to YouTube! 😂

Keep your pockets, hearts and minds open ♥️

We all have our special places in life that we love. While we love many, we often share them with those we love the most , whether it’s our spouse, children, siblings or significant others,

But, a lot of of these places have to do with memories and fun times. The times we laughed or cried, or maybe it was just low keyed and serine.

I’ve talked to a lot of our friends since Steve has passed. Maybe the conversation was initiated by them or me, perhaps. But some have asked me how long I’m staying in my house now that Steve is gone. As far as I can tell, right now, until I need to go to a home or I pass. While many of their responses were different, and I question their answers in my mind, I don’t express my response because they are not in my shoes yet. They have not lost their other half. So it’s very easy for one to say … I’m selling and getting another place.

I want to ask them, isn’t the house the two of you have dreamed about to make it your own home together? A home should be , in my opinion, your sanctuary, your safe haven, your nest, a place you created together. Your oasis .

Is it just a shell of housing? Four walls, that all the family times that you gathered together, just a place ?

Maybe I’m just too sentimental. Maybe when I look around our house and I see how we kept the integrity of our 1950ish home, but kept improving it to create our own oasis, I never want to give it up! Plus, I don’t want to go through all the stuff the kids have left behind!😂

I wonder, does your house feel like a shell or does it feel truly like a home, a place where you belong, … is it your oasis?

Steve and I were always on the same page when it came to improving our house. We always tried to make it better for us, our family, our friends. It was our oasis…

I know, times have changed. I’ll keep inviting everyone we know over, because that’s what we did, that’s what I’ll do… why? Because this house… my home… is something that Steve and I created…. It’s my OASIS .