I sit out on the front porch most nights at the end of the day – the warmth of the sun reminds me of how many great moments we had there, but now your chair is empty.

Paul comes down once a week to check in me and spend the evening. He’ll take care of things that I can’t, and he sits in Stevo’s chair, as Paul always called him. I’m grateful for the help and the company.

You will always need that one true friend, whether it be a neighbor or a long time girlfriend, in this case, it’s my son and daughter who have been my rocks. I hope that someday, when the times comes, they have that “rock” in their lives.

Weekends are particularly sad right now. It’s July, and I’ve realized it’s now been over two months since my husband passed. The weather is gorgeous, the days are long and beautiful. All of our coupled friends are planning long weekends, or just getting away for a day trip – and where am I? I’m not a couple anymore. I’m a weeping widow. I do envy all of them – I’d love just one more weekend, one more chance to get away, and spend time with only him.

We were just getting into our golden years. We had savings, we had paid off our mortgage, discussed home projects, made plans for vacations we wanted to take, and now – I go it alone. Sure, I plan on tackling the list of projects we made together. I hope to travel again. But who am I doing those things with? Who am I doing those things for? The person I built the most memories with is gone – he lives only in my heart and mind now.

I have good days and bad days – it seems like this is actually more of a bad week, even when I’m sitting on the porch, feeling the warmth of sun shining down from our painted sky.