How many times have I heard this in the three years that Steve has passed away? More than I kept track of!

Why haven’t you gone through his tools yet?

These were his tools, his forte, they were probably more important to him than the clothes he wore. He was a master mechanic. His hands, his sweat, his mind has touched every tool in my garage. I can see the wheels turning as he was thinking about completing a project.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t gone through them yet. Never mind, that I’m taking care of an acre of land grooming, weeding, cooking, cleaning, endless housework… and I pick my battles. Which usually depends on my moods and the weather. And I’m ok with all of this.

But don’t tell me you understand.

You’re still married. You haven’t lost your husband/spouse.

You may have lost a parent… that’s a different type of loss …

You may have lost a sibling, a best friend… different type of loss.

I’m not minimizing that loss at all… but you really don’t understand.

And yet, some think that it’s been 3 years and I should be over all this , all this stuff , that I have to deal with. Why would one think that it’s reasonable, that over 25 years of memories and accumulation of things should be purged in just three years???

Sometimes, I want to be that nasty person, and snap and just tell them to take a hike. But, the compassion in me tells me they don’t understand. They think they’re being helpful. But they’re not. I feel like my personal stuff is being violated. I’m the judge of when, how things go now. Not what they “ understand “ should be happening by now.

They don’t understand.

They won’t understand

I’ll understand… when they’re in my shoes , and, sadly, it happens to all of us.