I went back to our favorite winery in North Carolina recently. We are members of the wine club there, dating back to the inception of the winery. It was our “go to” place to get away every year, often multiple times a year.

I tried a new experience this time around. It was a dinner where we had wine paired with a special menu, and it was phenomenal! But I looked around, and saw couples… girlfriends celebrating… and friends just hanging and having a great time. 

There I was, just me, at a round table, no one to chat with, no one to compare the flavors of the meal and how that enhanced the aroma and the taste of the wine. I did still learn more about wine, as I’ve come to find out, that each host presents their own knowledge of wine, wine making and the attributes of wine. So, to have a new host experience is divine. After all, reality is, it’s a job for them and it makes their job easier to repeat the knowledge they have. It’s their “program,” so to speak. 

So, again, I can cross that off of my new year resolutions, I ate alone on this experience and I had lunch alone on the previous day. I think my resolutions for 2023 are complete!

But, even though I put myself out there, it doesn’t make me feel any better. I didn’t enjoy any specific moment of it. I was still lonely. Funny thing is, I eat alone every day at home, with no one to talk to, and I’m okay. But maybe, just maybe right now, since dining out in public by myself makes me more conscious of the fact that I am alone, makes it harder. You often don’t see someone dining out alone. 

But… on a positive note… I was chatting wine the winemaker, Mark. He was Steve’s bestie whenever we visited the winery. Steve would get up early, on our vacation getaway, just to talk to Mark about bottling, because that’s what Steve did, and learn more about bottling wine. Steve would bottle wine on his vacation, it was in his blood! He loved to learn more about bottling and any aspects of the industry… and the fact that it had to do with wine made it even better.

Mark is very well known in the industry. He’s well respected and is connected to other winemakers throughout the world. While I was talking to Mark, I found it very touching, that Steve must have given Mark his phone number to call him for whatever reason. 

Mark told me, “I have Steve’s number on my bulletin board and I’ll never take it down.” 

That meant so much to me. I can’t express the love I felt. In that moment, I just passed it off as a compliment and comment. But, upon further reflection, Mark didn’t have to tell me that, so, it must be true and that was his way of telling me that he misses Steve also, in his own way. Maybe when I see Mark in December, after I’ve had time to process it, I can tell him, hopefully without crying, that would make Steve happy to know that. And I’m sure Steve does know that! 

It’s great to know that even when Steve’s gone…. By some… he’s not forgotten… as life goes on…  

But Steve will never be forgotten.