I went out with Crazy Cork lady again. I actually had a good time and a great dinner. I went to the ladies room, came out, she picked up the tab and said “You can get it next time.” That’s great because this time I got what I wanted, as I was expecting to pay.

I told a close neighbor that I actually had a good time and he said “Live it up.”

Well, we all know that I will probably never be able to “live it up” again and have an enjoyable night or evening since Steve has passed. I know. It’s been over two years, but I’m not looking for everlasting joy or love. I’m just looking for happy, carefree days, things to bring me joy.

It’s tough, not only when you lose your spouse, but your best friend, the one that loved you through all your happy days, sad days, your hardships and happiness together.

I can’t imagine building that now, at my age, with anyone else.

But someone once said to me, “Live in the present, because the future belongs to God.”

So, my response to him was… “You do the same!”

Maybe he feels he’s living his best life and knows that I’ve lost my Steve and is trying to help me on my ongoing journey. Trying to always be positive for me.

I’ve also come to realize that your heart and head have to be in sync. Your head helps you to laugh and keep going, but my heart is still broken. It’s not ready to love anyone in addition to those I already love now, and not yet in the way I loved Steve. Some day, maybe… or maybe not… and that’s okay with me.

So, every day, I’ll try to “live it up” and leave the rest to God, I know God and Steve will always have my back!